Heartache...

It has been a while (can say more then 2 years) of having the feeling of someone squeezing my heart, making it ache... Ntah la, I'm outta words here... I just hate this feeling........

Ujian dan Dugaan...

People say that 'masa bertunang nie la banyak dugaan'..... I still have a long engagement to go thru but actually for me, before I knew my fiance I already went thru all the shit and so called dugaan in my 25 years of life... I know I can go thru this engagement with all the dugaan for I know I have went thru worst in my past...

Omputeh's saying 'if it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger' is a saying that I can so relate to. Yes, all the shit I went thru only made me stronger and the women I am today. I know everything happens for a reason. Maybe the shit I went thru is preparing me for my future rumahtangga. Or maybe it was just a test given by Him in order to see if I can handle the tests He gave me. Or maybe He wanted me to suffer big time first in order to give me unconditional happiness in the end... I can say I am happy now. Very happy... But I got a whole life ahead of me and I know that the tests just doesn't stop here... Even if I die tomorrow, I still have to answer to the angels dalam kubur and we still have to go thru The Day of Judgment...

So to conclude whatever I was babbling about is that I went thru a lot; and I say A LOT, before I met Azlan aka my fiance. So I guess all the talk on 'masa bertunang nie banyak dugaan' is one thing I can handle, InsyaAllah... But personally I think that Allah memang sentiasa memberi ujian kepada hambaNya in order for us to remember Him. It is because He loves us. That is the reason why he gives us all these tests and stuff. The harder it is, the more He loves us... So nanti lepas kawen pun mesti ada ujian dan dugaan jugak kan? Meaning, for me, going thru all this dugaan and ujian is just another phase of life...

No Title...

Hola! I'm back and dunno what to write about... Well....

OK, had problems with my broadband. Thanks to 'Shikin' the customer service lady, she helped me with my problem without going to the maxis center. Aku memang pemalas nak kuar. Unless terpaksa or I want to. But most of the time, I don't want to. Yes, I like staying home. Because I don't have any money to spend buying this and that. Which mostly will be spent on food and stuff which is not for me but my sisters. I dunno why but I like buying stuff for them if its in my budget la. Out of budget sorry la, tak dapek den nak nolong....

Tonight I'm going back to Shah Alam. I hate going back to Shah Alam. Even though my mom always babbles and preach and gets angry with no certain reason, I love staying home and listening to my moms babbles and such. Sometimes saje bagi dia membebel kan coz memang gatai nak dengar hahaha... Well, bila lagi kan nak dengar mak membebel kn? Sometimes we'll never know how precious people are until we're old enough or to the less fortunate, until we loose them. For me, I love my mom and my dad of course. Walaupun mak BANYAK membebel tapi aku sayang dia and speaking of this, this is the last year I can balik Tanjong Malim. Pening kan? Actually this is the last year I'm gonna be single. Next year I'll be Mrs Azlan and balik Penang lak. I love the fact I'm gonna live in Penang but the sad part is I won't be coming back to Tanjong Malim much. Of course la balik Penang jumpa husband kan? Husband will be my priority pulak. OK, a mix of feelings here....

But YES! I can't wait to be married to my fiance. I know we'll have a happy marriage together. Yes, there will be some things we're gonna go thru but I know we can go thru this. But seriously now, I am so lazy to go and shop for my hantaran handbag! Kasut pun malas boleh? But I am excited for searching makeup and skin care for hantaran hehehe... Searching for telekung pun takde masalah I guess, it's not that hard as searching for the perfect handbag and shoes... OK, aku cerewet. Kalau tak suka, jangan harap nak beli. And if dah masuk a few shops and still haven't found what I like, I'll get fed up... Pity Encik Azlan...

Saving up for buying Azlan's hantaran pun almost half way. I'm gonna have to save up another 1k for buying barang hantaran. Haish, mampukah? Dah la gaji sikit. Nak baiki hp yang rosak tak baiki2 lagi nie. But takpe, saving money untuk kawen is more important. And I'm FAT!!! 50kg!!! How am I gonna loose 6kgs?! or maybe just 4 hehehe... I just love to eat! And hate exercise! But I like cycling... Anybody wants to buy me a bicycle? Lets go cycling in Suck Alam! Urgh, I'm fat......

Going back to the topic of kawen kawen, I still haven't made up my mind on what color I want to wear for the reception. Maybe I'll just take a look at the baju2 sanding and everything and try a few on and baru pick a color. Is that OK? I guess that's OK. Is it OK? And where can I send my kain nikah untuk dijahit eh? Yes, walaupun lambat lagi I really need to know where to send the kain. I don't want my baju nikah be a disaster! Kalau disaster, komfem jadi Bridezilla! And the rest, I think I won't have to think about much. My parents and aunties and uncles are handling the rest. I'll just see whether I like what their doing or not....

Owh! On the 24th I'm going back to Penang to attend kursus kawen! Dapat pegi kursus kawen with Encik Tunang! Suka suka hehehe...

OK, I guess that's it. Merepek je nie, ntah ape ntah yang aku type nie... OK, need to get packing and a cooking! Buat sardine sandwich je hehehe... JOM!

Pressure....

Hi blog... How are you? I'm not doing very good............

Why? Maybe it's my PMS I guess.... Or maybe I do feel a bit pressured about this...... I dunno.... Sentap kot...... It's true that there is a reason why our parents tak kasi kita do something.... Now I'm feeling the pressure....... When she told me that, terus sentap... It wasn't bad but still terasa....... I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me, lagi lagi future in laws so I guess it's better to stay away and be more independent........ But it's gonna be hard and this will definitely turn into a fight....... I seriously dunno what I am doing is the right thing or not......... I just don't want people to think that I'm taking advantage which I am so not coz I hate taking advantage..... I seriously dunno what to do........................