UPSI

After 4 months not writing in my blog, aku skrg saja2 nak curi masa mengupdate kisah kehidupan ku ini. Sebenarnya, aku nie kne buat kje, fail meja untuk kerja baru ku (yang x berapa baru). 2 Disember lepas, genap 1 month aku kje di UPSI. Sambilan je sbg Penolong Pendaftar department Institut Pengajian Siswazah. Yang CANTEK ttg kje aku nie, aku xde staff! aku la tukang fotostat, tukang type, tukang tulis surat, tukang utus surat (naseb ada along,dia tlg), tukang talipon lecturer2 untuk booking flight, hotel dsb, tukang jadi org tengah antara MARA Bangi, MARA Jawi, dan juga UMT, dan semua lah! Tp, alhamdulillah, setakat ini aku leh handle all the hassle and thanks to the staff (staff N41 yang lain) kerana banyak tlg aku dimasa aku blur dan kesuntukan masa, lagi2 masa nak hari pendaftaran kt Jawi dlm 2,3 minggu lepas...

Ha, pasal pendaftaran tu, kje hari Ahad and aku nie di bayar gaji hari dimana kalau g kje, dpt gaji,xg kje maka xdapat la gaji. Bayangkan aku g kje hari Ahad tu, kt Jawi, abis minyak kereta semua and bila balik dan tnye, aku xdpt claim gaji aku hari Ahad itu. Tidakkah pelik? So aku kje dgn "ikhlas" lah kalau hari2 hujung minggu nie? Skali nie aku x kisah la sgt tp dgr khabar nnti bulan 1 nie, aku akan kje hari Sabtu dan Ahad untuk 3 bulan (selang2 seminggu) untuk Program Bina Insan Guru. So adakah aku akan berkerja free pada masa itu juga? Tidakkah aku juga terasa penat? UPSI, UPSI, apa pasal la peraturan sgt bengong? And then, when my dad knew about this, abis la, marah la dia. Aku ok la, xde la kisah sgt tp when my mom ckp if kje luar and they x iktiraf i kje (sbb xbayar gaji hari tersebut), kalau i accident tgh jalan on the way nk pegi kje pun diorg tidak akan menanggung kecelakaan ku itu. Tertakut la jugak. Kalau tempang kaki ku krg, sia2 je kje n UPSI xmo tanggung. But xpe lah, tgk la what my dad says nnti. Silap hari bulan, dia suh aku brenti hahahaha...

Next up, PTD Assessment! Sape yang baca ini, tlg la doakan i ye. I heard ramai org terkandas kt sini so im not putting my hopes up too high. I will berusaha and put the rest in HIS hands. I have no idea what or how to prepare. All i know is i have to tingkatkan stamina sbb ada lari2 and i HATE running! Adeh! And dgr kata ada jugak public speaking both in malay and english. Public speaking ok kot tp isi?! Adeh! Dah la mmg out bab2 isu semasa nie! Adeh! Pape pun, aku akan terus berusaha for my future and for my parents.

~ Mak! Rajin kalau, tlg smayang hajat ye, hehehe ~
~ Abah! Thanks sbb nak hantarkan ~
~ Adik2! I curse u (terutama haziqah) sbb kata aku xkn berjaya! hahahaha ~
~ Amir! Ko pun kne doakan aku, i dunno how but u have to! ~
~ Ikhwan! I tau u mmg akan doakan i, thanks! For our future ya (~.^) ~

Lagi? Hurmm... Kawan time skolah (form 6) dah mengandung! Congrats An! Harap2 dapat anak yang comel dan puteh melepak mcm ur husband ;)
Lizi! Good luck and semoga berjaya dalam PAC Assessment jugak!
Arziana! Selamat Pengantin baru!
Adam! Selamat Pengantin Baru jugak!
Mus! Selamat Pengantin baru jugak jugak jugak!

*musim kawen katakan*

Fate...

1. Is there a reason for falling in love? Why?
2. How does our hearts make the choices?

Yes and No...
Because we tend to like/love someone if they are nice, sweet, handsome or cute, funny, adorable, and the list goes on but this comes back to the question how can all out of a sudden our heart chooses that specific person? Everyone can be nice, everyone can be sweet, everyone can be funny... Am I right?

How can two strangers meet in the middle of the road and fall in love?
How can two life long friends from out of the blue have feelings for each other?
How can two completely different people in a workplace get together?

Questions and questions...
But in the end, when I come to think of it, maybe it is called fate... Orang Melayu kata jodoh la kn? Kn? Hehehehe... Two people meeting and falling in love, completing each other... Happens everyday... So let things happen on their own... Love, life, passion.... No worries, come what may for everything that happens must have a reason behind it...

~ Allah ta’ala sudah berfirman bahawa ketika mana kita berusia 6 bulan di dalam rahim ibu kita sudah ditetapkan kepada kita 3 perkara yakni persoalan ajal maut,rezeki dan akhir sekali jodoh ~

DO NOT LITTER...

I was taking my sis from school the other day and I saw this apek dengan sewenang2nya threw away this plastic he drank out of into the sewer a.k.a longkang... What is it with people littering? Can't they think what they are doing? They are polluting the Earth... Hello people, God gave us Earth to protect not to pollute...

I'm not an angel of not littering, I also did a few times but it was excusable... I can't put something icky and gooey and sticky in my pocket can I? And that apek can easily find a trash can somewhere (i saw there was a trash can nearby) where in my case, there wan't a trash can in sight... Even the smallest paper I put in my bag or pocket... I was taught since I was a kid not to litter... In school (somewhere in the US), that was the basic thing that my teachers taught me... My parents also taught me the same thing... I was shocked when I came to Malaysia and see how dirty this country is... Now, being here more than I've been there, I can see why it is...

Come on people, lets do our part in saving Mother Nature... She's giving us a place to stay... We can at least just try not to litter and pollute this world.... One person makes a difference... I'm not asking to recycle or anything, just DO NOT LITTER... It's not that hard... If I can do it, so can all of the other people out there... Come on and lets save Mother Nature, lets save Earth...

Moving

Here i am...
In Tanjung Malim...
With bad internet connection...
No malls...
No cinemas...
No friends...
Plain lifeless...
Plus jobless and broke...
Its not that i need any money being here and stuff but i also need to feed my phone, right?
Takkan yang tu pun nak ask from parents? Right?
Oh, and I really do need money for my trip, reunion trip with my friends...
(Another reunion but this reunion is reuniting my form 1 friends in Gambir)
(Where i switched schools like 3 times during my secondary schooling eras)
That is gonna cost me about 400 bucks...
Mana mau cekup duit if my pay is still with the PPD?
*sigh*

Being in a town where everybody knows everybody ain't that fun...
Being in a town where I don't even know anybody too ain't that fun either...
I just love Penang, been there since forever and it feels like home...
Missing Penang already, damn...
Somebody from Penang, come get your ass down here and marry me and get me back to Penang!!! HAHAHAHA....
~I wish~

And here I am rambling about God knows what...
I think I'm going crazy?
Am I?
Nah...
Just need to get used to this place and I hope it is better than kL...
I never did like kL much...

Rambling again...

Thinking on what I should do but it still hasn't hit me yet...
(Ok, this is about the job part)
Should i go back to studying?
Or just wait and find a suitable job?
Haruskah aku istikharah on this matter? hmm...
Friends, help me on this thing...
LIZI, YAN, LISA, MUN'IM, AKI and the rest of my blog friends, pls give me the best advise you guys can give... (thank you very much)...

Rambling yet again...

Despite the moving, me being jobless and no love life at all, I am quite happy being who I am, with the family I love...
I am at peace (except when i think about the job n study thingy haha)...

~ THE END ~

* for now ;p *

Passing Thru...

It's been a while not coming and updating my blog...
What happened during the last month?
Nothing much,the same old rutin...
Just another week and I'll be finishing my contract as a guru sandaran...
Dilemma again...
What the hell am i going to do next?

Work?
Xdapat any job that I applied for yet...

Further studies?
But I'm not sure if i should continue my business studies or go another direction which IF I do it will be twice as hard...

Kawen?
Lambat lg...


Kids at school?
Still love them,gonna miss them but sure in another 10 years they surely wont remember me hahaha...

Things at home?
MOVING in another two weeks...
Off to Tanjung Malim...
*urgh,hate moving*

Feelings inside?
Still healing...

Oh,I forgot....
Pre-reunion was the BEST!!!
Love u guys so much...
~lizi~
~hang~
~rin~
~fza~
~naimah~
~dayah~
~intan~
*penyebok named esyam aka johan,ur not that bad,thanks for keeping up with my rude behavior towards u (trying to push him away,thats why,hahaha)*

Overall,I'm doing just fine...
(^_^)

I'm In LOVE!!!!

I'm in LOVE....
I'm falling so in LOVE...
I'm falling for Aiman...
I'm falling for Ariff...
These two cute kids are from my class...
I dont have their pics yet and i hope i can take their pics soon...
I dont know why I have a soft spot for these two kids...
Maybe it's because they "stalk" me and today they got sent to the headmasters office coz ponteng class...
Darjah 2 dah pndai ponteng...
But they skip class just to come and see me teach my Standard 1 kids...
And when recess time, they come to the bilik guru and ngendap2 me there too...
Where ever I go, there they will be...

Nak cte how this happened panjang sangat...
Just enough expressing myself here that I'm gonna be very sad leaving the school in another one month +...
Aiman also told me to stay and dont go...
He said to come and see them once in a while when I leave...
Sangat terharu....
I'm really gonna miss them...
Especially my 2 Sejahtera students...
Really, really, really gonna miss them...

~ am i taking things too personally? ~
~ i cant help it, i just love kids ~

Pengorbanan?

jeles
dengki
dengki
jeles

nk ikot kwn g perlis

tp kje pada hari jmaat dan sabtu

sabtu kje sbb skolah nk gnti cuti raya nnti

perlis ~ taklimat + ronggeng bersama kwn2 tercinta

taklimat ~ mcm nak tp kne tgk dpt kje atau x

ronggeng ~ sangat dan teramat la nak

kwn2 ~ sangat, teramat dan really miss them a lot

*sigh*

Bosan....

A certain feeling comes over me,
Whenever someone tells me they like me,
A certain feeling fills the very heart of me,
Whenever I hear them pouring over me,

Hatred, pain, fear, disgust,
Even to the ones I trust,

Is it because of what I went thru?
I guess that is also a bit true,
Whenever I think abt the past,
I wish I could take it back,

But things happen for a reason,
And this made me stronger,
I learned never to trust another,
Just to protect my heart from some other,

Living in the past
You may think I am,
But I'm looking to the future,
Just to be a better man....

~~~~
Setiap apa yg terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya...
If one thing doesnt work out for me, I wont give up and i wont be mad...
Coz I know down the road, He has a better plan...
Dan aku akan terus melangkah utk mencari diri ini...
Dan aku akan terus bergerak utk mencari keredhaan Tuhanku yg Maha Mengampuni...
KepadaNya sahaja aku berserah setelah berusaha bersusah payah...
Dan syukur alhamdulillah kehadrat Ilahi kerna aku amat bahgia di saat ini...

Tribute....

Yes, this is one of my classes that I teach...
Class 1 Cemerlang...
Nak Cte abt all of them mmg tak kan dapat la, this blog will be too long...
So i'll just talk about a few of them :)
Sbnrnye nk boh lg gmbr budak2 class nie but myb some other time...
Sangat busy la skrg nie...
Nie sj curik time to do this padahal banyak lg kje aku tak wt lg nih...

Inilah dia (pic atas skali), Mohd Ariff (kiri) dan Mohd Nazmi (kanan)...
Aku amat syg pada dua budak ini...
Mmg amat nakal tapi sgt dengar cakap guru mereka...

Si Ariff tidak pndai membaca dan maseh blm dpt tulis ABC dgn btl, G terbalik la, B terbalik la...
Masa ngajar marah la tp bila ingat balik nk tergelak pun ada, kesian pun ada...
Mana tak kesian, budak2 yang lain dh leh at least can read and recognize a few words (in english coz i teach english) tp dia maseh terpinga2...
Tp oleh krn berkat kesabaran aku, aku nampak dia leh terima cara ajaran aku...
Dengar guru2 yang lain bercerita, dia mmg tak nak belajar and kalau tekan skit dia akn nangis...
Dengan aku takde la pulak, kje dok main, gelak, jalan sana sini dan membuat muka slumber badaknye bila aku marah....
Muka slumber badak dia la yg aku geram sgt tgk, ya Allah, mmg comel sgt, cm nak ganyang pun ada, hehehe...

Ha, itu baru cte psl Ariff, blm lg cte psl Nazmi...
Tadi, masa aku dok suh diorg wt kje, Si Nazmi nie leh menari2 smbil wt kje...
Nyanyi lagu 'Ketahuan' lak tu, hahaha...
Lps tu senyum dia, pergggghhhh, teramat la manis...
Setiap kali aku pndang dia, dia msti senyum...
Adoi, naseb kecik, kalau tak aku wt dh jadi pakwe, hahahaha...
mau je aku bawak balik dua ekor budak nie buat adik...
~anak xleh ok, aku maseh muda, blm layak menjadi seorang ibu hahahaha~
And budak Nazmi nie mmg la baik...
Pape mesti tanye aku dlu...
Sebenarnye, semua budak cmtu tp Nazmi nie cara dia lain skit...
Kalau class bising, dia akn cakap, "hampa nie suma bising la, senyap la teacher nk ajaq"...
Lepas tu muka dia masa tumpu perhatian, wah, mcm aku sorg je dalam class tu hahaha...
Rasa cm org bercinta lak, hehehe...

The feeling of teaching mmg amat best...
I never thought teaching can give me a great feeling of satisfaction...
Myb it runs in the family...
My dad's a teacher, my mom's a teacher...
My dad once told me he loved teaching, it's his passion...
At first I never did understand but i guess now I do...
My dad once was a PR for UMW Holdings Berhad but he quit coz wanted to be a teacher and after that continued his studies and finally being what he is now, a lecturer...
And I AM SO PROUD having a dad like him...
Mak, Nurul bangga jadi anak mak gak ;p
Sayang sgt sama kedua org tua ku itu...
Kalau mereka takde, I wouldnt be where I am and what I am now...
Love u mom, love u dad, you guys are the best parents in the WORLD!!!

Writings On The Wall...

Scared as a girl can be,
A girl who is lost in time,
Afraid of the future,
Of what holds beyond time.

"Will my life be ok?",
She knows it will be,
However she still wonders,
What will it be.

"Should I just wait?,
Or should I keep trying?",
Two questions that just keep on reminding.

Kalau tak berusaha,
takkan datang bergolek,
Or should she just wait,
and see whats in stake.

She is trying to meet other people,
Trying as hard as can be,
But how is it when her heart is liking someone else?
Could she ever like someone else instead of he?

Moving forward,
Never looking back,
Not waiting,
A second can never be taken back..

Moving on u see,
Is not as easy for me,
But I do fell liberated,
Liberated as can be.

Kisah Di Sekolah Kebangsaan Bukit Minyak...

Bnde baru yg aku telah belajar...
JANGAN BAGI MUKA KAT BUDAK2 KECIK!!!

Al-kisahnye....
Aku sedang "red light"...
And as usual, bila red light, mula la perut aku wt hal...

Aku yg baru 3 minggu menjadi guru sandaran tidak bertauliah mmg sgt disukai oleh anak muridku...
Mana xnye, nmpak je muka aku nk masuk cls "yeay, cikgu nurul masuk"...
TAPI, bila aku masuk, MAIN!!!

Ye, myb i'm not that garang tp bila aku marah pun budak2 tu boleh wt dunno...
X cukup garang gamaknye...
How to be garang dgn budak2 sume tu, diorg sgt la comel...
Xsampai hati nk marah lebih2, anak orang lak tu...

Ok, smbung cte td...
Perut aku wt hal...
Aku mntk tlg budak2 bg kerjasama la kn, aku ckp "cikgu sakit perut"...
Yang sgt bersyukur tu, masa tu smbut Maulud Nabi so they have pertandingan mewarna...
Aku just suh diorg color senyap2 and jgn wt bising...
Tu pun xleh...

Aku senyap *muka tahan sakit perut sebenarnye + geram*....
Ada a few kids prasan and tnye "cikgu dah xlarat ke?"....
Comelnye dua budak yg tnye soklan tu...
Dua budak tu leh kategori murid yg nakal...
Tp pertanyaan mereka tdak ku endah...
Wpun cmtu, ada gak kids yg xpeduli tgk muka cikgu yg tahan sakit dan sedang marah...

Last skali bila dh bising sgt and aku tegur pun diorg x endah.......................
Aku mengamok la *salahkan mood swing periodku*...
Tu pun ada gak yg xkesah...
Boleh lagi sorg budak nie (pmpn) nk sembang2 dgn aku...
Aku suh la dia diam, dh la budak tu amat degil dlm cls, langsung muka cuak...
Aku baik pijak kepala aku, ckp aku xmo dgr...
Padan muka ko...

Tp, yg aku heran, bila aku mengamok, aku satu budak pmpn tu boleh lak menjawab and melawan ckp aku...
Padahal dia xde la masalah sgt dlm cls...
Aku ckp sepatah, dia melawan 10 patah...
Mau je aku hempok, kurang ajar betul padahal baru drjah satu...

Yang budak2 nakal pndai la pulak senyap, takut aku marah...
Yang kira ok pulak yg menjawab and melawan...
Aduh, aku xtau la apa nk jadi...
Budak2 zaman skrg dh lain...
Membuatkan aku rasa tua...

Moral of my story to myself is ~ NEVER masuk cls dan tunjuk baik dgn budak2, kepala kita dipijak2... Baik kita garang dlu, bg diorg takut/respect kita baru berbaik2 dgn diorg...

tagged by mun'im...

tagged again tp oleh kerana sudah cuti sekolah,aku buat je la bnde nk abiskan masa aku kn...
mmg syok woo cuti nie,hahaha...
nie dia,ditag oleh mun'im ;p


PERATURAN TAG:
* Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
* Put it on shuffle
* Press play
* For every question, type the song that’s playing
* When you go to a new question, press the next button
* Once completed, tag 5 other people

DON’T CHEAT!

Opening Credits:
Oasis ~ Live Forever
sweet,hahaha... but i dont wanna live forever, as in the song ;p

Waking Up:
Plain White T's ~ Hey There Delilah
nice slow song to listen bila bgn...

First Day At School:
Blue ~ Guilty
hahaha,xde kaitan...

Puppy Love:
Howie Day ~ Collide
ouch,no more collide2...

Fight Song:
Maroon 5 ~ She Will Be Loved
ye!!! fight for the one u love,hehehe ;p

Breaking Up:
Outkast ~ Hey Ya
thank god for mom n dad for sticking together coz we dont know how....
yup,mmg lagu breakup,hehehe...

Prom:
Fuel ~ Hemorrhage
good thing m'sia xde prom,hahaha...

Life is Good:
Mega ~ Sekuntum Bunga di Gurun Sahara
huh? cmne lagu nie leh ada dlm playlist aku? aku xtau lagu nie,hahaha...
but yup,life is good n sy tdak tau apa yg ada dihadapan sy...
tp akn ku trskn perjalanan hidup mencari keredhaanNya...

Driving:
Exist ~ Hilang Dalam Damai
sgt3 hilang dalam damai bila ada driver lembap!!! hehehe...

Flashback:
Elvis Presley ~ Can't Help Falling In Love
adoi... terasa sakit scr tetiba...
but i know everything will turn out ok :)

True Love:
Samsons ~ Bukan Diriku
i just love this song!!!
true love? is to learn to let go...
sgt sesuai :)


Wedding:
James Blunt ~ Tears and Rain
ceh,nk sgt td lagu shania twain,from this moment...
xde kaitan but ok lah,love this song too...

Moment of Triumph:
P. Diddy ~ I Don't Wanna Know
Gila2 xde kaitan wakakaka...

Death Scene:
Shades ~ Jangan Kau Ucap Selamat Tinggal
aduh...

Funeral Song:
Peter Pan ~ Menghapus Jejakmu
pelik2,hehe...

End Credits:
Harry Nilsson ~ Without You
huh? lg ntah hape2 haha...

siap sedia untuk ditag:
1. Lizi or anakcikmad
2. yan or cikjijah
3. Lisa or cocaholic
4. mun'im,xde sape nk tag dh
5. Anyone lah yg lalu di blog ku ini ;p

EXCITED!!!

Memandangkan sudah tiba cuti sekolah,terdengar sana sini tentang KENDURI...
Yup,kenduri kawen hehe...
21st of March, one of my classmate kot, (classmate kah dia,xingt la hahaha) but an aqauintence is going to get married...
Same age as me, a guy named Syafiqi...
Terkejut beruk aku mendengarnye...
But aku juga berdoa agar jodohnye kekal smpai akhir hayat...
'Till death do them part la kira,hehe...

Tp that does not excite me too much, just shoked me coz, ntah, kwn lelaki aku yg sama umo nk kawen...
Selalu dgr pmpn dlu, br laki2, kn?
But what excites me most is a friend of mine (best of friends,classmates,housemates dll), sudah dirisik and myb today or tomorrow dipinang!!!
Sangat excited, terasa aku lak yg cm nk dipinang hahaha...
But (another but), she is still keeping it low, ye la takut xjadi kn dok heboh2...
Maklum la family yg kenalkan...
Bila dh btl2 confirm, baru heboh and i'll be the one yg dgn ke'excited'an yg amat, akn sebarkan ke seluruh teman2 di facebook dan friendster wakakaka...
Begini rupa2nye how it feels when one of our close friends akn tie the knot...
Padahal bkn tie the knot pun nie, baru nk minang aku dh excited lebih hahahaha...
Xkesah lah, aslkn aku bhgia n dia bhgia ;p

p/s: kepada my friend tu, jgn marah ye ku tulis abt u here... im just so excited,hehehe...

Yet Another Story By Me...

Yet another story by me...

Amir balik, we thought that he wouldnt be coming back...
And when hearing the news that he is coming back, we all thought that he had changed...
Well, that was far from right...
He came back but he didnt even look at my parents even once...
Just masa nk balik kL balik dia ckp "bye" to my parents...
He didnt even stay home at night and spend time with our family...
His coming back only made the our home more huru-hara than normal...
Again making my parents frustrated/kecewa...
Baik xyh balik kn kalau cmtu?

Me?
Not perfect but i know that my parents are everything to me...
Without them and Him, i wouldnt be here...
As unperfect i am, i try to improve myself day to day...
Not much has changed in me but 'till now, alhamdulillah, im doing ok and my parents do trust me...
I dont hear much leteran from my parents anymore...
Dh tua kn, xkn nk kne leter lg kn?
Tp ade jugak la kadang2 tu, mustahil xde, nama pun dok under one roof dgn parents hahaha...
And i do hope that i can stay with them as long as i live...

Work?
Going out great! =)
Love teaching kids...
Their so cute n so honest hehe...
Myb being a teacher aint that bad and it is also not that easy...
The teachers out there must know and understand what i'm talking about and how i feel...

Life?
Is GREAT!
No more trouble thinking about guys...
Occupied by my work and really really, very very malas nk think about this stuff...
When the time comes, i just hope i'll be ready...
;p

Last Two Weeks...

Its been about two weeks not writing in my blog...
And in these two weeks, so much had happened...
Well, not that much but it is kind of a big deal to me...
First of all, i got to be a teacher!!! (^_^)
Walaupun just a guru sandaran but it will be a big opportunity for me to gain some experience and help me in my KPLI or DPLI interview (if i ever get it)...
I never did think i wanted to be a teacher in my "younger years"...
Dulu rasa cm x best la konon...
But now, all grown up, i really wanna become a teacher...
At first i wanted to become a lecturer but than when i got to be a guru sandaran and started teaching these cute little creatures, i really do wanna be a teacher, lebih2 lagi a primary school teacher hehe...

The process:
Monday morning went to PPD Permatang Pasir...
Went thru an interview, took about almost half an hour...
Questions were like s**t, gelabah pnye pasal xdapat nk jawab a few questions...
Tp alhamdulillah, myb he (the interviewer) knew i was all shaky...
He didn't tell me anything, all he did was put my application letter in an envelope, stapled it and said, "Pegi jmpe tuan haji musa dgn mak dibawah ye"...
I was like, (dalam hati) "well,did i like get it or not?"...
Bnde tu pun kne staple, xleh nk bukak and tengok lak...
So, keluarlah saya dari bilik interviewer tersebut and tgk2 my mom sedang sembang2 dgn sape ntah...
Tunggu la mak kt situ for almost 15minutes...
Sebaik sahaja ibuku keluar dari bilik encik ape ntah namanya, kami menuju ke arah pejabat Tuan Haji Musa...
So, once in the room, he opened the sealed envelope...
My heart was pounding to know the results...
One part of me didn't wanna know coz the person in front of me will be telling me if i got rejected...
That would be so embarrassing but what else could i do?...
So, here goes the moment of truth...
"Sekolah mana nak pegi nie?", he said...
Alhamdulillah, i got it, hahaha...
At first he wanted to send to a secondary school but than my mom asked for Bukit Minyak Primary School, so i went there which is also my sister's school and my moms previous school where she had teach before becoming a headmaster...
Tuan Haji Musa said to start on that same day and that was so shocking and freaked me out coz i am not even ready yet hahaha...
I thought i was supposed to start by March, early of the month...
But what the hell, its now or never right?

Oh, I forgot to mention a friend of mine also went to the interview and he also got the job and we started on the same day =)

Lepas teman my friend g bank and makan, we went straight home and to our schools...
The best thing was when i arrived, i talked for a while with the Penolong Kanan and head straight to class, x dapat duduk and tgk syllabus langsung...
Imagine je la how awkward i felt walking in the class...
Naseb la i teach kids darjah satu n dua...
Kalau teach kids darjah 5 ke 6 ke, x ke mati aku hahaha...

After a few days teaching, mmg sangat pening jugak coz majority of my students don't know how to read...
How am i to teach if they don't know how to read, right?
But that will be a challenge for me to keep on going and breakthrough...
At least when i leave that school, the kids learn something from me...
And looking how the kids are with me, i guess they are enjoying my lessons...
I do hope they learn something from me in my lessons...

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This part is about another chapter of my life...
The part where everyone will face in one phase of their life...
The thing i really never thought would happen has happened...
The EX came back yet again...
Just when i just moved on and feeling great with my life...
But i don't really feel anything...
I didn't reply his messages, making excuses that i don't have credit...
Than he called where i picked up coz he has changed his number...
Ade la a few times i didn't pick up so he went on calling my house number instead...
So annoying...

Two days ago he called and being a human being with lots of empathy, i just went on talking to him...
We had a great laugh and chit chatted a bit...
He called me again at 2am, i of course was asleep said i wanted to sleep so we didn't talk...
And he called again yesterday, a few times...
And last night, i couldn't take it anymore so scolded him...
I was really mad for what he had done to me all these years...
Segala kuar la malam td dengan kata2 kesat yg xpenah ku terpikir nk kata padanya...
~kesat tu xde la bermaksud amat kesat but 'p mampuih' tu agak kejam la jgk kn~
And he accepted it and at the same time he told me EVERYTHING, yup, EVERYTHING...
After all the fighting, we forgave each other for what had happen and agreed on being friends...

During all the screaming and fighting a few tears did came out but i tried to hold them back...
How vulnerable he makes me feel till now...
He said he can never get over me even how hard he tries...
I just told him to try harder...
I told him to turn back to the One and he said he is always praying and mengaji'ing but even doing all those stuff he still thinks about me...
So i told him to do solat hajat and istikharah and see how it goes...
I also told him to get back together with 'her' but he said he can't coz even when he is with 'her', he runs back trying to find me again...
Is it all lies? I don't care coz i already told him i am never going back to him again unless he asks my hand in marriage...

What will happen next?
I don't know...
I'm just gonna have to wait and see...
But i am happy now...

Amir...

Friday afternoon, about 3pm.......
Received a call from my mother.....
"Amir dh seminggu x pegi kje"....
"Amir dh seminggu x balik rumah atok"....
*
**
***
****
*****
******

Geram di hati hanya Tuhan je tahu....
Mula lah all the "kutuk'ing"...
"Amir like this lah,Amir like that lah"....
"Amir has never changed"...
"Amir will never change"....
*
**
***
****
*****
******

Ibu mengata.....
Abah mengata...
Tp dalam mengata, risau kt hati diorg dpt ku lihat....
Anak laki sorg, anak harapan....
Aku sbg adik pun kecewa....
Kecewa tatkala dia lebih mementingkan kwn2 dia, awek dia....
Lagi hati ini mengutuk....
*
**
***
****
*****
******


Tonite, Saturday, about 1.30am....
Recieved a PM from Amir...
Didn't say anything to him just said that mak wants her laptop back coz ada kursus,kne bawak laptop....
*
**
***
****
*****
******

.:::copy paste chat with Amir:::.
The Unfound: aku tgh lari nih sebenarnyer
Nurul: knp?
The Unfound: aku tanak balik dah
The Unfound: aku dah tekad
The Unfound: lambat laun mak abah pun akan tau... wat masa nih diorang tak tau lagi kot
Nurul: tau apa?
Nurul: hang lari wtpe?
The Unfound: yg aku nak lari...
The Unfound: tanak balik umah dah.... like i once told you all before
The Unfound: aku dah start dah lari
The Unfound: sebab tuh aku pening bila mak mintak laptop, aku tak tau cmner aku nak kasi tanpa jumpa sesapa
Nurul: ko makan apa dok lari2 nie? ada ke duit?
The Unfound: pepandai aku lar.......
The Unfound: aku tanak menyusahkan mak abah dah.... and i want to do things my way....
The Unfound: berjaya ke tak pepandai lar aku hidup
The Unfound: aku dah besar
The Unfound: i just want mak abah to restu whatever im doing and not to worry
The Unfound: one day aku akan balik insyaallah
Nurul: ye la bgtau la abah ko ok...
Nurul: jgn la hilang cmtu
The Unfound: no
Nurul: org risau la
The Unfound: takyah risau
The Unfound: skali skala aku akan email or msg ko dlm fb
The Unfound: start next week or something aku akan tukar my numbers
The Unfound: aku nyer 017 aku dah tak on dah
Nurul: ko nk aku bgtau mak abah ko ok ke x?
The Unfound: ermmm for now if they dont know anything then biar je lar
The Unfound: klau diorang start tanye ckp je aku ok
The Unfound: just dont ever change ur fon number
The Unfound: nanti pepandai lar aku contact and update you
Nurul: aku lak br ingt nk tukar
The Unfound: all i know is im not coming back
The Unfound: ko tukar pun ko msg aku kat faceebook or email me
Nurul: ok..
Nurul: ko nk wtpe je nie?
The Unfound: aku ada lar few things yg aku plan
The Unfound: i just want to do what i want.... and hopefully one day i can show that i am capable
The Unfound: if not berjaya pun to at least survive on my own
Nurul: ye lah,just elok2...
Nurul: jgn wt bnde xelok
Nurul: jaga diri baik2
The Unfound: ermm hopefully
The Unfound: aku akan try my best to find a way to get the laptop back home
Nurul: one more thing...
Nurul: jgn lupa semayang
The Unfound: ermm?
The Unfound: yeah
The Unfound: apa2 pun once mak abah start asking.... tell them not to worry
The Unfound: tell them i'll be ok
Nurul: ok
*
**
***
****
*****
******

He also gave us (me and sis) credit last night....

Terharu....
Guilty....
Scared...
Risau...

What am i to do?
He's my brother...
Aku xnk abg aku susah sorg2....

Moving On...

At last,i threw away all those stuff that reminded me of him...
Gambar, tiket, ring, kad matrik, kertas yg ditulis "i love u" dlm kod, penutup roti which stated my birthday on it, a couple of guitar picks and a few other stuff....
Just one thing i can't manage to throw away; the teddy bear...
Syok la peluk menatang tu bila tido hahaha..,
Bukan sayang sbb dia bagi or what,its just a good bantal peluk,hehe....

Memula masa bawak kuar barang2 tu from my wallet simpanan, teringat jugak la what i have done, what he had done...
Nostalgia and memories la konon....
I looked thru each and every piece of paper, picture, and the other stuff one by one...
It took me about an hour (or more) to get rid of those stuff....
Padahal bukan bnyk pun...
About the feeling i got when i went thru those stuff; no words could describe what i felt...
I wasn't sad nor happy, it wasn't the feeling of nothingness... i think it was the feeling of moving on...

Once done with the not-so-much reminiscing, i went to the kitchen....
I tore everything, kecuali bnde yang xleh dikoyak lah....
Starting with the paper writing "i love u" in codes, two of his pictures, kad matrik, the tickets, the bread sealer and so on...
Nothing.... that's how and what i felt during the activity of tearing up all those good for nothing memories that only made my heart ache...
Now, everything is in the tong sampah where this morning the lori sampah dh kutip segala bnde yg tak guna itu,hahaha...
And i'm feeling GREAT!!! =D

Now, my goal is searching for a better future...
I hope i can get thru this DPLI that i applied for, nak jadi cikgu la konon...
But based on my family background, my dad's a lecturer and my mom's a teacher...
Both of the are educators, both of them are my hero's, and both of them are the people whom i love very much...
Kira, i want to be like them....

Love life?
Not thinking of that right now...
Semuanya akan ku serah padaNya...
I just hope i am strong enough to go thru His tests...

Well, done for now...
Lastly i just wanna say thanks to Him for everything that has happened...
Aku harap aku dapat kekalkan keadaan aku yang macam nie....
Yang lebih bersyukur dan lebih mengingat Dia dan mengharap keredhaanNya di tiap ketika....
~Amin~

ditag oleh lizi toek!!!

Peraturan Tag

Senaraikan:
• 3 lagu yang wajib ada dalam playlist.
• 3 barang yang wajib bawa bersama.
• 3 tempat yang dekat di hati.
• 3 laman web yang selalu dilawati (selain Facebook, Friendster, dan Myspace)
• 3 blog yang mahu di-tag


3 lagu yang wajib ada dalam playlist:

• Love story - Taylor Swift
  
• Gives You Hell - All American Rejects
  
• Always - Bon Jovi
  

3 barang yang wajib bawa bersama:

• duit
  
• ic
  
• lesen
  

3 tempat yang dekat di hati:

• penang
  
• arau
  
• situ.....
  

3 laman web yang selalu dilawati:

• my blog
  
• my email
  
• laman yg mengembalikan semula kekuatanku dan semangatku utk terus bertahan dalam sunia yang penuh pancaroba,hehe...
  

3 blog yang mahu di-tag:

• cik jijah yang angau bercinta
• cik lisa yang ntah la tau atau tdak ttg blog aku ini
  
• sesapa la yang kenal diri ini,hahaha...
  

Searching and Hoping...

Scared.... yes,that's how i feel....
Aku tau ape aku wt nie bordosa....
Planting the seeds of love but i am weak,as weak as a girl can be.....
I know its wrong but i do it anyways....
Cmne aku nk elak dari zina hati ini?
It'll be too cruel just to ignore someone without a particular reason....
We're just getting to know each other....
Aku dah minta petunjukNya,yakni dia harus ku tinggalkan...
Tp aku ingkar....
Aku tamankan dalam hati to be just friends hoping that this zina hati dapat ku elakkan...
I've told myslef over and over again to never fall again for the words of a man...
Ya Allah,perliharalah hati hamba mu ini Ya Allah...
Hamba mu ini takut... takut jatuh ke lembah yang hina lagi skali Ya Allah....
I just hope with Him always on my mind can make me stronger....
I hope with Him on my mind,i can nurture my heart,away from this zina hati...
I hope with Him always on my mind,i can find His keredhaan...
I hope with Him always on my mind,i can find his love and love Him in return...
Yet i'm still weak...

Just Words...

What will happen in the future?
Who knows....
Will i finally get what i want?
The only thing i want right now is for my parents, family, friends and sume umat Islams happiness (di dunia dan akhirat)....
For me?
Well.....
To be at peace, to receive His hidayah, to get a job where i can support my family (or family-to-be) and meet a great guy who will accept me as i am as i will accept him as he is....
Amin.....

Books...

Another tale told by me,hehe...
A few days ago, i went to the movies and bought a book which i have waited so long for...
Two whole years waiting and finally i got the book,hahaha...
The book is "Inkdeath" the third book from the "Inkheart" trilogy...
However, the movie was so boring,jgn tengok....
Buy the book,its better....
Now,i'm on my way reading this new book of mine...
Padahal i have another book yg xabis baca lagi,hahaha...
Its called "The Pillars Of The Earth" by Ken Follet...
I only read a few pages of it and it already struck me as a great book...
But i'd rather finish my book that i've waited so long for first,hehe...

Finally my brother is going to work!!!
After i don't know how many long years of just staying at home doing nothing but enjoying and making himself get in trouble all the time...
He will be going to KL on Sunday,i think...
And he would be working with my uncle which has a consultancy agency or company or i don't know,hehe...
But the fun part is that he gets to go to Sabah and The Philippines....
I am so jealous of him...
I wish i could take his place but i have to do more "important" stuff at home like cook, clean, wash, take care of my sisters etc...
Well,at least my parents don't worry much about my sisters when i take care of them...
After moving,i'll be free to work and i can't wait to hehe...

Ordinary Days...

Section 1:
There's nothing much that happened these 4,5 days of mine...
Abah balik dari Tanjung Malim,suka sgt kalau dia balik coz abah boleh bawak jalan2,hehe...
Mcm budak kecik but that's the truth,hahaha...
Today,i went thru my closet of clothes,mak suruh,and seperated the clothes that i want and don't want...
Mak wants to give then to those who needs it more...
There were tonnes of stuff that i gave away,sayang gak some stuff but from letting 'em rot,baik bagi orang,dapat pahala sikit...
Yesterday pegi tesco and masa balik my dad made the most stupid joke of all that made me laugh until now,hehe...
Nak cte sini xbest,myb some other time (^_^)
Owh,btw i met WAWA,my classmate while studying in Arau...
She is working there (tesco) (^_^)

Section 2:
One thing that is bothering me is WORK...
I still have no idea what i'd like to be or work as...
I wish i just could get married to a prince and be a princess and help my prince rule the world and make it a better place...
But that's impossible...
Sumenye dasar politik je skrg and some of these politic ppl only think of themselves... ~not all,just some of them~...
Well,back to WORK...
I'd love to be a teacher and teach english but i'd have to go back to "school" and take TESL for another 2 years....
By then i'll be 26,too old...
I also wanna like further my studies but my dad said i'd better work first...
Sometimes when i tell my dad what i wanna do,he will be like "no,do this,no do that"...
Kinda frustrating and makes my spirit drop to ground zero....
And at times when i ask "abah,tell me what can i do?",he'd go "do something you like,find something u take interest of"...
But when i do,ade2 je his i-dont-know-what lectures about if i do this,i have to do that yada yada yada...
Stuck,torn,clueless...
That's how i feel right now...

Section 3:
In a state like mine,i wish i had something to do to make me forget about all my worries....
Ok,this is the relationship part...
At least if i was working,i'd be busy doing my job and having less time thinking about less important stuff like this...
How the hell am i gonna get out of this mess?
I'm facing the truth and taking it quite ok,its not that bad but the wanting to have someone there for me is so strong...
Well,like it or not,i still do have to face it....
Just hope that i will still keep being strong...

Matters Of The Heart...

This must be lame but this is what all teenagers are going thru...
I am glad for what had happen between me and him and also her...
Because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be this strong...
I also thank our Mighty Lord for giving me the strength to go thru this awful agony kinda feeling...
I never thought that I would be unlucky in love...
All those years I held on was just a waste...
I had always realized that this was just a game to him but i kept on holding on for maybe one day he would notice how much I had loved him...

After all those years of torture, the final decision I took was to turn to God...
That was the wisest thing I did in the whole 5 years with him...
I did some prayers that finally lead me to the truth and at times I wonder why didn't I do this in the first place...
The first time I did the prayer, someone told me about a website, an Islamic website...
The articles cover a lot of topics that we have doubts on and one of it is about teenagers and love...
When I read all those articles, I realized that what I have been doing all this time was wrong and I never knew that taking coz of the lack of knowledge in my own Islamic religion...
While reading some of those articles, came a sense of "keinsafan" in my heart...
I actually cried when I realized of all the sins that I have done and how much He loves us...
All we have to do is have faith in what He has in store for us...
The second day, I got a clear answer about him which I was so glad for...
However, I wasn't torn at all inside...
I felt a sense of freedom and peacefulness in my heart...
And I knew that it all came from Him...
The love we should be searching for is the love in God for trying to find love in another may turn out to be a waste and hurts in the end...
But once that you have found the love in God, He will always be there for you and the feeling is so wonderful and the sense of peacefulness is so alluring...

However, humans will always be humans....
I still have a bit of jealousy in my heart when I think that they are together....
But I wish for their happiness for one day I will too find the happiness, the day my wedding day comes,hahaha...
Tak mo dh cintan cintun nie, menyakitkan je, nk trs kawen je hahaha...
Finally, kuar gak my bhasa melayu,hehehe....

Change....

Hi,
I'm new here so mntk tunjuk ajar ye...
Memula,i thought i didnt want to make this blog but kwn2 ajak so i went on doing it....
I don't really know what to write about coz my days are so alike...
Everyday the thing,the same chores...

But today I'd like to share one thing that changed a bit of me when reading a friends blog...
She wrote about improving...
Improving everyday,day to day basis and that got me...
Since that,i started to learn cooking,helping out my mom more and trying to be a better person...
Tp mcm biasa la kn,it takes time to change,but for what i see,bit by bit,can make a huge difference in the future...
To anakcikmad/lizi,thanks for ur blog,it was a real eye opener for me =)