10th Post For This Month!

Saje nak semak my blog for this is the first time I'd post 10 posts in a month! Congratulations to me! The most I got to was 6 if I'm not mistaken hehe...

Well, that's it. Nothing much to write today. Toodles! ^__^

Mesej-Mesej...

Me: Nama, ko penah hilang aku skali. Can u take it if u lose me again?

Him: Ntah la..tu aku cukup bermasalh nak kawen dgn awek aku...sungguh aku xleh nak lupakan ko..aku bercinta dgn dia tp hati aku ada kt ko je..

Me: Tp bkn ko xsyg dia... Sbb kalau ko xpe aku hilang, ko teruskan je la dgn awek ko. Tp ko dh ckp cmnie, ko fkr masak2 k... Aku pun xnk ko nyesal dgn pilihan ko...

Him: Aku xwt pilihan lg psl aku lama hilang ko..apa jd kt ko aku xtau..bleh ke ko hdp dgn aku,aku xsure..n just psl bnde2 tu la..psl awek aku smua aku tau...

Me: Psl bnde2 tu je la? yg ko sebut td?... I can make it easier for u,u know? I can just leave mcm dlu... Xyh ko fkr2 apa yg jd kt aku, blh atau x aku hdp dgn ko, blh atau x family ko terima aku... Lbh senang kalau ko teruskan je dgn awek ko sbb sume tu ko dh tau... Ko ckp je, aku pegi...

Him: Sng mmg la..hati aku menanggung smua tau x...aku xbleh lgsung nk lupa ko...ko marah ke?aku ckp trus terang nie...tu je mslh aku...aku kawen dgn dia pun kalau hati aku kt ko apa nk jd..ingt je xpe..tp kalau dh smpai mlibatkan hati dan perasaan ssh..

Him again: Lg satu...kalau aku xsyg kt ko smpai cmnie mmg aku kawen je dgn awek aku...tp mslh dia i love u so much! kalau hindustan tny apa bnde cinta bg aku..jwpn dia ngko la...

Me: Bkn ko sorg je tanggung,aku pun. Ko xtau apa ko dh wt kt hati aku... X,aku xmarah. Aku cuma terasa tp aku suka ko bterus terang. Lg senang utk wt pape kptsn... Ko saje kn bg aku nangis lg? Tp btl aku ckp,cinta aku kt ko sorg je. Kalau kita xde jodoh,mmg xkn sape dpt cinta aku sbb its with u...

Him: La,yg ko nangis npe...aku cma nk tau je cmne hdp ko..da la pmnt ramai sgt..aku yg ko ckp org paling ko syg pun xde bghset suh contact selalu...lgpun aku nk pastikan bleh ke ko hdp ssh sng dgn aku..aku bkn org kaya..kawen nie bkn sehari dua..smpai mati tau...bkn bnde memain...

Me: Ntah,terharu gila bab ko ckp hindustan tu... Org yg suka aku bg pnjam hset la... Psl bab ssh senang,aku rasa aku bkn jenis hi taste. Mak pak aku xpenah bg kemewahan kt aku. Cmpak la aku ktne pun,aku leh hdp... bla bla bla...

And so much more messages we sent to each other. The important thing that I wanted to keep is here written down so if I lose this phone or accidentally erased these messages, I'll have some of it in here. So, based on the conversation above, I have no idea what's gonna happen and what I'm supposed to do... Sigh...

Goodbye My Lover...

I dedicate this song to you. The person who makes me feel all the feelings I've never felt before. This song is sung by James Blunt and I changed one word in it in here; father to mother. Nobody could write a song better than Blunt about how I feel about you and what I'm going through right now. I love you and will always will.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the mother of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Chorus (2x)
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyggTKDcOE&ob=av3e

Why Me?

Why? Why? Why?
I've guarded my heart just to let it out in the open and got hurt again and again by the same person. Thank you so much. My mission here has ended.

Once You Wish Upon A Star...

Can we pretend that airplanes

In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

I wish my wish will come true ^_^

Forget Or Not To Forget?

Maybe it would just be easier for me to forget everything...
Would it?
Guys, please help...

*i'm so lost right now*

Everything Happens For A Reason...

In my case, I'm still wondering what are the reasons that all this is happening in my life.

I am worried about my future, but that I know will eventually find its way, I know I'll find my way. The thing that worries me is about my previous post. Why is this happening? Why is it him that I always fall for over and over again? Why isn't my feelings toward him not going away? Why is my feelings towards him has always been the same? Why is my istikharah him when obviously he going to marry someone else?

We did get into a big fight early this year. We hated each others guts. We cursed each other, swore. And we ended up not wanting to talk or even see each other ever again. That was not the breakup. We were already broken up. We were 'friends' but I couldn't take being 'friends' with someone I still love who is with someone else. So, I picked a fight and yes, I was the reason for the fighting.

I don't know why but something happened. Someone messaged me telling he found a handphone with my name in it. There were pictures of me too. When he described what type of pictures, I knew it was his handphone. So, I called his girlfriend asking for his number, which I had deleted from my phone. But, of course she wouldn't give his number lol. So I asked her to pass the message. She did and he called me which we got in a fight but in the end made amends.

Starting from that day, we were 'friends' again. I had to accept that and I did. Everyday I keep telling myself I'm over him, everytime I keep telling my friends that I'm over him when they asked. I always tell myself I'm fine. And eventually, I believed it. But still, not even one person had made me feel the way he makes me feel.

Well, we had tons of fights but what I wrote here was the latest and the worst. The only thing in my mind is 'Why?'. Why although we fought a lot and decided never to see or talk to each other again, we tend to 'find' each other again? What are the reasons for me and him fighting and only being 'friends' over and over again? And why can't I forget him when it has been years after our breakup? And why is it when I met him, it was as if everything just happened yesterday? The pain in my heart was not a wound but still bleeding.

What are the reasons for us keep 'finding' each other? Only time can answer that...