In my case, I'm still wondering what are the reasons that all this is happening in my life.
I am worried about my future, but that I know will eventually find its way, I know I'll find my way. The thing that worries me is about my previous post. Why is this happening? Why is it him that I always fall for over and over again? Why isn't my feelings toward him not going away? Why is my feelings towards him has always been the same? Why is my istikharah him when obviously he going to marry someone else?
We did get into a big fight early this year. We hated each others guts. We cursed each other, swore. And we ended up not wanting to talk or even see each other ever again. That was not the breakup. We were already broken up. We were 'friends' but I couldn't take being 'friends' with someone I still love who is with someone else. So, I picked a fight and yes, I was the reason for the fighting.
I don't know why but something happened. Someone messaged me telling he found a handphone with my name in it. There were pictures of me too. When he described what type of pictures, I knew it was his handphone. So, I called his girlfriend asking for his number, which I had deleted from my phone. But, of course she wouldn't give his number lol. So I asked her to pass the message. She did and he called me which we got in a fight but in the end made amends.
Starting from that day, we were 'friends' again. I had to accept that and I did. Everyday I keep telling myself I'm over him, everytime I keep telling my friends that I'm over him when they asked. I always tell myself I'm fine. And eventually, I believed it. But still, not even one person had made me feel the way he makes me feel.
Well, we had tons of fights but what I wrote here was the latest and the worst. The only thing in my mind is 'Why?'. Why although we fought a lot and decided never to see or talk to each other again, we tend to 'find' each other again? What are the reasons for me and him fighting and only being 'friends' over and over again? And why can't I forget him when it has been years after our breakup? And why is it when I met him, it was as if everything just happened yesterday? The pain in my heart was not a wound but still bleeding.
What are the reasons for us keep 'finding' each other? Only time can answer that...
2 comments:
nurul, it seems that u still can't forget about him kn. well, i understand how u feel. he's ur 1st love kn? but he's also getting married right? so i guess u should just move on with ur life. u deserve a better person than he is. i realize than we tend to hang on to someone whom we love so much but neglect the person who loves us the most. i learn from my lesson. but anyhow, its u who decide for urself kn. hee. this is just an opinion la kn. :)
pjg lak i bebel ni kn. sorry if buat mata u juling. :P
eh,xjuling,i suka hehehe... thanks for the advice lisa... the thing is,he is getting married but he's still thinking with who... logically its gonna be with his current gf but he said myb it could be me... he told me he's still thinking about it but by this december, he already has to minang the person he wants to marry... so if its not me,by then i'll have to get over him...
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